Contrary Carrie......will she appear?

When I discovered Domestic Discipline I had a visceral reaction. I wanted it in a way I can't describe. In the 4 months we spent researching, analyzing, discussing the idea within our marriage, in my mind it was already becoming an established fact of my life. DD was needed for me to move forward in our marriage, into our future.

Three weeks before our start date, I was surprised to feel resistance whenever I thought of DD. My mind and heart excepted it as needed. Not just needed, I WANTED IT. However, instinct was kicking in and when the thought of being punish came into my mind that "Fight and Flight" reflex surged up. That is not a typo. I mean "Fight AND Flight". You know when you start backing away and throwing things at the same time.

(backing towards the door)
You expect me to do what? (throw the pillow)
You think I am going to let you do WHAT? (throw the book)
Think again Buster! (throw the door closed in his face)
AS IF! (run)

Truthfully, I have never thrown anything at my husband. That doesn't mean that the urge to do so at times isn't overwhelming.

I was afraid this would throw my husband off when we finally got start with this. Would it make him abandon the whole idea? This was to important to me to risk that. So I warned him. Warned him that as much as I wanted this, I was going to have a hard time accepting it gracefully when it came to the point. I asked him to be patient and not let me get away with it. To do whatever he needed to do to get me to remember I wanted this, that I asked him for this. Short of physically forcing my compliance.

My biggest fear is that Contrary Carrie will show up.  A word, a look, a gesture, a flick of an eyelash is enough of an offense to bring her forward objecting vehemently to whatever is going on. My husband has learned to deal with her quickly to deflate her pretensions. If she really gets going, there is no logic or reason that will get through to her. She is fueled by defiance, hormones, hurt......perimenapausal rage? Fortunately the times she has taken the stage in our marriage can be counted on one hand (ok 1 more and it will be two hands). My husband has learned to just let her blow. He will literally sit back and not say a word, but observe the performance. After Carrie makes her "Grand Exit" I am left to deal with the fall out, his quit reprimands and my overwhelming guilt. It can truly feel like I am standing to the side watching myself as this happens unable to stop and frankly I scare myself. I expect that the appearance of Contrary Carrie will become a punishable offense in the future. I just pray that she stays away long enough to give us time to really get some practice at this DD thing.