IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY!

The sun was shining.

The temperature was cool.

There was a slight breeze.

It was a beautiful day.

In the morning, my daughter opened two of the sliding glass doors in the house. We have three sets of sliders throughout the house.

The white sheers softly billowed up as a breeze waft through the doors, gently swaying side to side as they slowly settled back to the ground.

Yes, it was beautiful day.

In the afternoon, she asked if she could close them and turn back on the A/C as it was starting to get hot. It was the first time it had been off since the beginning of summer. I agreed and continued working on my project as she went about taking care of it. The A/C came on and became the usual white noise in the background while I worked.

Early evening Rooster came home from work. I gave him a kiss at the door and we began our evening rituals around the house. I went into the kitchen and noticed the kitchen sliding door was open.

Why did you open the door?

You are asking me that?

Yes, why did you open the door?

Blue...... seriously?

We were interrupted and I forgot about the door and that it was still open and .....well......since HE opened it I kinda assumed HE closed it.

Our daughter came down, went into the kitchen and quickly came back and asked over the A/C, "Did you know the door is still open?"


What?! Rooster, I thought you closed it1 Why didn't you close it?!

I didn't open it, I

You said

I didn't say

Yes you were sarcastic and you 

Turns out our daughter forgot to close that one earlier.

I DID NOT SAY not yelling but very emphatic

I asked you and you said

I DID NOOOT SAY more emphatic

At this point he became like Charlie Brown's Teacher to me.

No but

WAA WAWA WA WA

You said

WAAAA WAWA WAA WAA

YOU SAID

WAAAAAAA WAWA WAAA WAAA His eyes are starting to bug now

YOU SAID

Go to the bedroom

Now my mouth has dropped open

WHAT? OVER THIS?!

Go

Incredulous laugh and mouth drops a little more

Your not serious.......

Go, now

All through the argument discussion, he was using an exaggerated patience and I thought playful tone, more so the more emphatic he became. There was also a playful light in his eye as the discussion started.

Now, suddenly, as it became a battle of wills there slowly started seeping in a hard edge to his stance and eye. He still wasn't angry yet, but if I didn't get up soon and started moving he would be.

So I graciously conceded. I silently stood up.

That!......he!....pfft!.......as soon as I stood he turned and walked away to the bedroom. He was that sure now I would obey and trot along behind him. PFFT! Wish I had the guts to sit back down.

By the time I got to the bedroom, he had already gotten his weapon implement of choice from the closet. He always hides it behind his back because he doesn't want to cause unnecessary fear before the first swing. Awww, he's so sweeeeeet  >: (

Over the bed

This isn't fair. You said

Get over the bed

But this isn't fair

Over the bed or I will help you and since your shoulder is hurt (long story) that could hurt you more.

Dang! He is really serious if he is threatening to do something that could cause me to hurt my arm more than it already is. DANG!

So ....over the bed I go..........under my own power.  >: ( 

He pulls every thing down. Grrrrrr

I *whap* did *whap* not *whap* say *whap*

This isn't fair! I say in a completely reasonable non-whiny voice.

I *WHAP* DID *WHAP* NOT *WHAP* SAY *WHAP*

YES YOU DID

Iii *WHAP,WHAP* Diiid *WHAP,WHAP* Nooot*WHAP,WHAP* Saaaay *WHAP,WHAP*

Stand. This is NOT fair! Yes, that's right, I stood up and faced off with him in defiance. Don't worry, it didn't last long.

OVER

Glare

Calm, cool,  all the confidence in the world stare back.

OVER

This is NOT fair and over I placed myself again.

and he started all over again......only harder.... >: /

Iiiii *WHAP,WHAP,WHAP,WHAP*
Diiiiid *WHAP,WHAP,WHAP,WHAP*
Noooooot*WHAP,WHAP,WHAP,WHAP*
Saaaaaaaay *WHAP,WHAP,WHAP,WHAP*

and on and on

Stand......yes I know.........again

NO.....NO......This is not fair!

Over

No

Over

AHA! Genius idea! I sit my butt on the bed, lay my back down on the bed, legs from the hips hanging off the side of the bed and relax my body to become dead weight. Ha! How you going to deal with THAT buddy!

Pffft

Too easy

He lifts my legs up over my head. Yes.....now I am in the humiliating diaper position. Yeah, (insert eye roll here) genius alright.

And the litany begins again.

I discover it hurts more in this position.

Fortunately, he doesn't keep me there long.

He lets me up and returns the vile weapon little leather paddle that looks like a hair brush back to the closet as I stand up and pull everything back up. Grumbling the whole time...

That wasn't fair.

Rooster comes back out and enfolds me in his arms...

Do you feel better now?

No, because that wasn't fair.

With a big grin he says

Well...... I feel better now.

Hunh....... and that's what this was all about, wasn't it? and with a little smile I returned the hug.







Yes, the sun is shining and it is a beautiful day.

Life is like........

....a Japanese Zen Rock Garden.

you thought I was going to say a box of chocolates, right?

No....a Japanese Zen Rock Garden.

I should have posted this at the beginning of the month as that was the second anniversary of the start of  our DD or TTWD lifestyle. But life was still rolling down that hill like boulders. It has been a very stressful 9 months. Some of it relationship.....some of it health. But we are still here, still moving forward.

and that is were the analogy of the Japanese Zen Rock Garden comes in to play.

I am usually really bad at analogies. When I was thinking about what our dynamic had become, I remembered this explanation of what a Japanese Zen Rock Garden symbolized.

 The rocks represent the unmovable mountains or islands and the waves raked in the sand or pebbles  represent the currant of the river moving around the mountains. Looking at it you would assume the river was the symbol of energy,  rapidly moving, cutting into the sides of the mountain. However,  even though the mountain is still, is it not also a symbol of energy, of force? It holds it's ground against the force of the river, cutting the river in half. So which one expends the greater energy? Or is the more efficient at expending that energy?

This is a perfect description of not only my husband (the mountain) and myself (the river), but also of our dynamic and how it works.

Between us, my husband is "the mountain". He is steady, not moved by outside forces or even by me. He stays true to himself and stays the course of where he believes our family should go. It often appears, especially to me that he is not moving or doing at all, but then he will shock the bejeebers out of me when he suddenly appears to have changed by leaps and bounds, and yet he is still the same. I am "the River", running around organizing everyone, taking care of immediate needs and expending a lot of energy to do so.

In our dynamic, there are times when it has been "the river" and the environment or the life we live has been "the Mountain".  Our dynamic changing so rapidly, we feel like we are riding the wild rapids barely able to hold on. While everything else around us seems to stay the same. At other times, most of the time it seems, our dynamic is the "the Mountain". This big still unmovable thing between us, not expending any energy, not accomplishing anything. Life is "the river" then, battering against the mountain and rushing by mocking our lack of movement. Amazingly, in that stillness, the most growth can happen.

As I said it has been a stressful 9 months. We had a visitor for 6 months and at the beginning of Feb they left. We love them dearly, but could not wait for the day of departure. The six weeks before they left, TTWD just sort of faded to the background and our minds. We stopped doing the things that made it work, because it TOOK a lot of work and we were exhausted. We couldn't wait to get back to it. There was a problem. We were so exhausted we had nothing left to put into the dynamic. A good friend gave me the perfect analogy for what was happening to us. Marriage was like a joint bank account, each person putting in to the account.  Sometimes, one contributing more than the other and at other times, one withdrawing more than the other. Most of the time though maintaining a healthy balance.

We were not at zero in our account, we were significantly in the red. Dangerously neither one of us had anything to contribute. When we tried to restart our dynamic, we reached a crisis point when he looked at me one day and said, "I don't want to be responsible for you". I was shocked. In that moment it felt as if he said I don't want to be with you. I quickly realized we weren't ready. We both needed time to heal, to rejuvenate ourselves, before we could look to our relationship. We didn't even have the energy to discuss it. We both just began to maintain our basic roles, bread winner and homemaker, and began doing things to heal ourselves. He went back to the gym and I signed up for a class that I wanted to take for a long time. During this time our relationship/TTWD appear to be "the mountain", completely unmoving, still.

It took a couple of months and then we both started to miss TTWD. At the same time, literally, we looked at each other and I said, "You know, I really miss.." and he said, "yeah, I know, I do too" and that was it. I asked what he missed the most and his response surprised me, "I like spanking you".

WHAT??!!

"Why? What is it you like about it?"

"The Mountain" who just showed me how much he had changed since we began this thing, in the beginning he refused to spank me, now showed how much he was still the same. LOL, he refused to discuss it in detail and changed the subject.

When we restarted it, we realized it had never really stopped. While we were not actively practicing, the break gave both of us time to look at our dynamic objectively and we both came back and in the moment started talking and changing how we did this thing. We had gotten stuck in a routine or pattern of how we thought it should work. It is now easier, more natural for us. In the down time of our dynamic, as "the mountain", we were actually changing and we didn't realize it until we became active again (changing to "The River") and we saw how much the still force of "the mountain" had changed the flow of "the river".

Are you totally confused now? Sorry


Things are still in "the mountain" stage unfortunately. There have been a lot of health issues in our house, illnesses and injuries. Rooster keeps reminding me, these things will heal with time, we are not dealing with something like cancer. See, he is a mountain. I try to remember what he says but at times I am overwhelmed.

Our dynamic?.... I am not worried about it. We will always do this thing in some way, either in "the mountain" stage or "the river" stage, the energy of TTWD is a force of its own.

What's on YOUR epitaph?

I was just thinking.........

I have a sibling who is very negative. Every other time she comes to my home she doesn't bring good cheer, instead she spews her negativity to every crack and corner of the place.

The last time she was here Rooster was so frustrated with her. When she left he said the next time she was here he was going to put her in her place and escort her attitude or her out of the house.

I jokingly said, "You know every other time she is here, the words, "Well that just pisses me off" comes out of her mouth. That should be her epitaph."

So......if your epitaph is the most frequent phrase that comes out of your mouth, what would that be?

"Well, this just pisses me off"

"It must be nice"

"oh pleeeeeaaaaassssse"

"This makes me look fat"

or

"Wow, this is great!"

"I can't wait!"

"I love you"

Do you even really know what the most frequent phrase you utter is?

Think about it.

Little over one year and a half update:

Hi everyone!

I have been out of blog land for a while. I have popped in for about 30 seconds and then been pulled away. So I stopped visiting.

Everyone is healthy. Everything is moving along here. We just had a relative visiting for a very long time. It threw everything off.

About mid February TTWD just kind of began to fade away. Our coffee dates stopped, then maintenance......then suddenly it was just gone.

One good thing for me about this unplanned break is that I realized the subtle changes that have occurred in me over the past year and a half from TTWD.  Little things that I didn't realize I did or at least realize I did SO much returned. Practicing TTWD I never consciously realized that these things had faded away, but when we stopped and these behaviors returned, their presence was blaring to me.

We just started up TTWD again, but with changes. When Roster finally took over in October of 2013, He wasn't into enforcing rules. He viewed them as goals to reach. He also did not want to do punishment, only stress relief or maintenance to "help me".

Now suddenly, after this more than six week break, Rooster has come back to TTWD with a new attitude. I now have rules and he checks everyday to see if they (only 2 rules) have been followed.

He has also become very comfortable with hitching me over his hip, under his arm while standing to threaten with smacks if my attitude didn't change.

Before the unplanned break I felt that everything was becoming routine, done without much thought. Now everything has changed again. This thing we do is never stagnant, always changing, even when we least expect it.

Remember when......

Remember when.........many, many months ago.......... I was getting tied up in knots because Rooster refused to do any research and/or read any of the material about Dd/TTWD?

Remember when I would get so angry when he wouldn't follow through on his words?

Remember when I would get bored and frustrated during a spanking because he still seemed to be holding back, afraid of hurting me? Um.....well....actually I don't think I ever shared that with you all so you wouldn't remember it. LOL!

Remember when I thought I was so good at submitting, I never yelled, screamed or fought the process? Oh yeah....that was something else I never shared with you all! ROFL!



Well lately, I have to admit, alot of things have changed. Rooster has become uncomfortably good with his implements of choice.

While hanging over the stool in the closet several different times as he was swinging away, I have swung back, slapping his leg in retaliation. It didn't do any good, except to give him a good laugh. But it really hurts, seriously, REALLY hurts. (stop laughing at me people, I know)

I can't get through a session now without standing up several times and twice I have turned around and emphatically stated "NO!". It didn't work. I was quickly and firmly spun around and guided firmly back over that stool. He recently stated that my standing was too much and it had to stop. He asked me what needed to be done to keep me in place. When I had no response he asked "Do you need to be tied down?"

WHAT?!

He not only has become proficient at making the slightest swing hurt like *&#%, but he also excels at doing it and not leaving a bruise. Seriously.....not a mark!



This last Sunday was maintenance night. We had a very busy weekend, up by 6am out of the house by 7:30 and running around all day until 6:30pm, both Saturday and Sunday.  Mid afternoon Sunday we were both tired and he made a reference to the evening. I responded:

"What? You don't want to do it tonight?"

"I don't know right know. Not really, I am just tired and don't feel up to it."

Truthfully, I don't like it when he brings up maintenance unless it is 30 minutes before the event.  If he is discussing letting me off the hook, however he can bring it up anytime he wants.

"Well, if you want we can get up 30 minutes earlier in the morning and do it then." Aren't I accommodating?! (Shhhhhh, don't tell Rooster I said this but I know in the morning we will be rushed and it won't be the usual maintenance ; )

Groan from the man.

"Let's just see how we feel tonight."

"Sure."

That's it. I knew I was safe for the evening.  : D


That evening around 8pm Rooster went into our room to get away from the noise and relax while surfing articles on his phone. I went in and bent over my side of the bed to stretch my back. I know,  dangerous position, but I do this all of the time. It feels good after being on my feet all day. We relaxed with each other mostly in silence. Suddenly he sat up and said, "Come on, let's go."

"What?! I thought we would do it in the morning?!"

I just got the look as he got up from the bed. I stayed where I was, playing the "I am too exhausted to move" card.

As he came around the side of the bed, he changed his mind.

"You know what? Just stay there."

"What?"

"Don't move, we will do it here."

"But everyone will here!"

"Don't worry about it." and he pulled my jeans and underpants down with one swipe.

Pfft! We have been doing this in the closet with the doors shut (three doors between us and the hallway) and with the bathroom exhaust running for cover noise.

He went and got his implements de jour without letting me see them and began.

The first swing had me standing (never got a chance to turn! Grrr!) and was immediately pushed back down.

Thwack!

Thwack!

Thwack!

"What are you using?! That hurts!!"

"My belt. It is quiet."

"Well stop it! It really hurts!"

Thwack!

"OUCH!"

Nothing detoured him.

I don't know, but I don't think it was very quiet. Between my screeches and hysterical laughter (don't ask me why, I don't know), my comments on each implement change and standing up and being order back down again and a running discourse between us through the whole thing, I think we were pretty loud.

When it was over he stood me up and held me and said:

"Do you know why I did it?"

"No. Why?"

"I read an article about Michael Phelps."

Huh? and what does he have to do with you and your belt?

"Michael Phelps?"

"Yes. It was an interview with his coach. He said Michael Phelps wasn't anything special. There were just as many other swimmers as good, if not better than him. However, he knew very early what would make him succeed."

"Do you know what that was?"

"Uh, no."

"Routine."

Pfft!


"I want you to be successful, for us to be successful, so I have to be consistent in our routine."




Well.....he still doesn't read Dd material, but apparently there is a wealth of information for inspiration out there still to be read. Who knew?

And as much as this time hurt, still not one bruise.



Remember when I stumbled across my first Dd blog and though "Hey, this is for us!"?



Remember when..........