so life continues on.....

Until Emily is home I will continue to send my thoughts, healing energy and prayers her way and updates will appear with the "Bear Hugs" pic to the right upper corner of my blog.

but life continues on........

Most of you know about the visitor I had for 4 months. What most of you didn't know is that she was my MIL. She will be staying with us for part of every year. I truly do love this women. Then what is the problem? ......she is of another generation from a small town country setting with limited resources  visiting her son in the big city for the first time in over 14 years (we usually visit her) and he has accomplished more financially in this time then she could comprehend. Most of the tension during this visit was created by different ideas and priorities around money. Rooster and I have discussed it at length and have decided how we will deal with this in the future, hopefully to everyones satisfaction.

So now that she has left.....life continues on, right?

I have stated before that I have a really hard time when everything returns to normal. It is not that I have a hard time with change. I revel in change, I roll with it, I jump in with both feet. I take off running, pushing everyone along and organizing, taking care of everything. Until at some point it is no longer fun or easy, is in fact wreaking havoc on my health and my attitude, but I still forge on because things need to get done. Eventually, the visitor goes home, the sick person is recovered and no longer needs my attention and support, the project is done and moves into the next stage without me. That is when I collapse.

I have often thought I was slightly manic/depressive.

This is one of the reasons I approached my husband about this lifestyle.

It has been almost 6 weeks since she left and I am not recovering as I usually do. As I get older, I realize it is taking longer and longer to pull out of this depression. At six weeks I am usually back up to speed.

I can't do it.

Rooster doesn't want to micro manage me and truthfully I don't want him to either. I asked for certain rules because when I get like this, those are the things I need to make a priority and I don't; like my health.

I approached him about doing a reset. You know, as someone we all know and love has after they have been separated from their husband for a loooong time. We had a long discussion about it and many other things. He agreed.

He also stated that he wouldn't tolerate my negative thoughts any longer. I am sure all of you noticed how negative my posts became towards the end of her visit, I did. I had to get it out of my head, so I put it into my other head, my blog. Well, some of the things that happened at that time I didn't confront, because I didn't have the energy or it wasn't the time to create tension. So, I am now reliving it with my best friend Rooster. Every week I remember something that bothered me that I suppressed and I share it with him. Rooster doesn't like it. He doesn't like it when I suppress it and then bring it up after the fact and dwell on it and pick it apart and analyze it. I don't like it either, it is just a pattern of coping I have fallen into over the years. So he informed me when if it happens again, he will address it. I am glad. I don't like myself when I am like this.

We started the reset on Monday and it is working. Tuesday I felt that stress that had calcified in my core begin to disintegrate. I was beginning to relax. Wednesday for the first time in months when I did yoga I was completely present during the workout, not just going through the motions. It felt really good. I am still not up to speed yet, my mind is still slow, but this usually takes weeks to get to this point.

I realized that when we started this, I was able to make all of these changes in prioritizing myself. When I lost all of that weight and exercised regularly and became fit and trim and well.......down right sexy, I didn't have rules and consequences. It was the mind set I was in that allowed me to focus on my role as submissive and accomplish what needed to be done.

I think we are moving in a new direction with TTWD. There are rules, but not those to micromanage me. It may be more about keeping me mentally where I need and want to be, happy, peaceful and focused....and submissive. : )

and so life and TTWD continues on.