It's all his fault!

Mother Moon has been visiting me lately and she came with a can of gasoline and a box of matches. Her visit coincided with DD falling to the wayside. So.....I am really surprised the house is still standing. As it is, it is only Rooster and I who have been badly singed. Everyone one else in the house was far enough away when the matches were lit to make it to cover.

Trying to be brief:

1. I didn't work out one morning because I didn't sleep well the night before and he didn't follow thru with any consequences, even though we had just discussed a few nights before that unless I was projectile vomiting or running a raging fever, "not feeling well" was not a good enough reason. grrrrrr! 

2. I was supposed to be keeping a food journal. I did, until I forgot to charge my ipad and then I just kept forgetting to write it all down. HEEEEE was supposed to ask for it every weekend to review it and never did, for three weeks. grrrrrrrrrr!

3. He asked me a couple of months ago what were some of the things he did that sabotaged my efforts to lose weight. This actually was a hugh step for him. Before he has refused to believe that anything he has said or done could impact me in a negative way because all he has ever tried to do was help. 

    I am an emotional eater. If I am feeling overwhelmed or hurt, I will go for something that I love and savor it as I am eating it. For those few moments the world is a beautiful place and I am totally focused on absorbing that brief beautiful experience. If Rooster catches me in the act, he gets upset and begins lecturing me, spewing negative feelings all over my experience. Whatever I am eating will turn to dust in my mouth. Not only is the experience lost, the feelings I had before, become magnified by a billion. I am then desperate to find something else (to eat) to sooth those hurt raw feelings. I asked him not to say anything in the moment when he sees me eating something he doesn't like. Let me finish the experience and he can address it later, in whatever way he wants. He understood and agreed to this.

   Last weekend we were about to head out somewhere and I was getting hungry, I rejected several other quick options for a snack and finally just grabbed a 1 ounce bag of Cheetos. He came in to the kitchen and saw me finishing it. The look on his face..........you would have thought he just caught me in a compromising position with another man. He started and stopped to give me a lecture a few times and then finally settled on the cold shoulder. He did exactly what he said he wouldn't do. Fortunately, this wasn't emotional eating just a bad choice, so there wasn't a major emotional impact from his response. But still, Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

4. One of my little blue chicks has decided that school bores him and he would rather use his time more efficiently to sleep. His grades were my first indication that he had come to this decision. I am now sitting with my teenager everyday after school to make sure he is finishing all of his homework and studying for all of his tests, something I haven't done since he was 5. I discussed how I wanted to deal with this with Rooster and he agreed. Then IN FRONT OF SAID CHICK he quietly (he thought he was not observed) sided with the boy on an issue. I am thinking to revisit the idea of the Spencer Method and whoooo said we couldn't use certain elements of DD with our children? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

5.

The last incident, was the last straw for me. We are getting ready for the summer. Some members of the house are going to do some traveling and they need some things. We went through their things and made a shopping list. Rooster wanted to give them some cash and send them on their way with the list to do their own shopping. I immediately said no. (I know.....will I ever learn?) I knew that they would not stick to the list, they would shop til they dropped and then came back for more money to finish their lists. Rooster didn't argue, he just stepped back away from the issue. So I took them shopping. Even with me with them they wouldn't stick to the list. I was firm and sometimes blunt and my patience was stretched to the limit. I was complaining to Rooster about the experience later and his response was "I told you. I should have just given them the money and let them figure it out. Next time I say something will you just stop and listen to me please?! You do this every time."

Guilt...........guilt ........guilt............guilt.........I can't do anything right....... I couldn't even get through this shopping trip (we didn't finish the list).......... I should have listened to him........I wish he would just spank me instead of the lecture...........didn't we agree to that.........I am such a.......

WAIT

JUST 

A 

DAWG

GONE

MINUTE!!!!!

THIS IS HIS FAULT!!!!

IT'S ALLLLLL HIS FAULT!!!

He is supposed to be the Leader of this family. We discussed the fact that he would listen to me, to my opinions, but all final decisions were his to make. If he had vetoed me and given them the money as he wanted, yes they would have done exactly as I predicted, but he would have then made them return everything not on the list and then shop for only what was needed. I wouldn't have been stressed, I would not have stressed him and they would have learned a lesson.


GRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

All of these things happened in a three day period. During this time Mother Moon was playing pyrotechnics with her can of gas and matches. I was so angry I didn't know what or really who was making me so angry. Everyone scattered in the house. Her visits haven't been this bad in a good long while. There was much tiptoeing and whispering a good safe distance away from me. I knew there were some very serious issues to deal with but it took a couple of days for the smoke to clear from the fires before I could really understand what were just irritants and what were really the issues.  By the time I figured it out, none of it could be discussed with Rooster, because he was playing least in sight.


Soooooooo 


I e-mailed him.


I warned him the e-mail was coming.


He jokingly (not so jokingly) asked me to go easy on him.


I tried.


I reread the e-mail several times. 

I tried to make sure there was no disrespectful language in it.

I tried to make sure the tone was informative and not harsh or accusatory.

No, it didn't resemble this post.



Apparently I succeeded.

He read it.


He readily accepted his responsibility with what happened and apologized.

He knew as they were coming out of his mouth those words (above in red) were going to come back to bite him. He remembered as he said them what we had agreed to do in this DD thing.

Unfortunately, the needs of WE have taken a back seat again to the needs of everyone else in our family. We discussed this last night.  We have almost four months this summer with no responsibilities to anyone. The plan is to focus on us in every possible way, so when others require our attention again, their needs will become an extension of our lives instead of taking it over as it now always seems to do.

sigh


That's the plan anyway.

Feel free to leave a message, be kind.