It only took ten months!

Sorry I have been away so long. It was not planned. Contractors, visitors, life got in the way.

I actually started a post a week after my last one, finished it two weeks later.

When I went to spell check and save....

!!BLOGGER ATE IT!!

!!BAD BLOGGER BAD!!

I didn't have the time then to finish it again, but I will eventually. 

We started the month of March with the intentions of getting started again with DD or DDS as Rooster calls it. We flirted with each other about it more then we actually implemented anything. Teasing each other with who had control, who held the power. It was actually a lot of fun.

Some of our conversations went like this;

"Watch out or I'll take you to the closet."

Laughing, "Yeah, yeah, I'll believe it when I see it."

"Do we need to go now?"

Still laughing, "Promises, promises."

"You don't really think I will do it, do you?"

Still laughing....


...............................................................................

"I think you introduced this whole lifestyle to try and control me. You presented it as if it was the other way around but it is really to control ME isn't it?"

Laughing my head off, "Dang your on to me."

"Yeah, it was obvious."

Smurky smile, "So what are you going to do about it?"

Nothing ever happened, no consequences of any kind.

Then I had visitors who came to stay for almost two weeks to visit with my visitor S. Yes, S is still with us. The house was full. Now I don't really mind this for a short while. It was fun. Buuuuuuuut for one thing. One of the visitors was very high maintenance. Standing over you while you are cooking suggesting alternative methods of doing it. All of us making plans 24 hours before an outing, me going out to run a quick errand and when I return plans have totally changed out of the blue to something that had never been suggested, and frankly was all about filling the needs of that one person.

Two days before they left I woke up on edge, in a bad mood. One of the guests made a comment. Now at any other time this comment would have just been gone seconds after it was uttered. It was a seemingly benign comment, but this day I was insulted. Instead of confronting this person, I went to the closet I created for privacy with guests in the house. I sat on the bench intended for other purposes and cried while I called my husband on the phone. He tried to talk me down from the edge. At one point he added to my stress and I snapped at him. I vented and cried and eventually emerged from the closet with my poker face back in place.

That night as we were in bed he pulled me across his lap and gently pulled everything out of his way. I didn't know what was going on. If you haven't pick up on this about us yet.....well in the course of this journey we have become spankos. I have received more spanko spankings then any other kind at this point. Even though this wasn't the way our spanko sessions usually began I accepted it as such. I settled in to enjoy it and enjoy it I did, until the last three kinda hard swings. He sat me up and said....

"So, did that help you?"

"Help me with what?"

"Stress relief?"

"Ummm not really, you should have said something."

"But this wasn't about discipline. Why do I need to say anything?"

"Because I didn't know what was going on. I thought that was a spanko spanking, I didn't realize it was supposed to be a stress relief spanking. If I know what the intention is behind the spanking it changes the whole psychological thing."

Talk about miscommunication!

The next day I again woke up stressed and indicated to Rooster that I was open to another session of stress relief. I was informed that I needed to find another way to deal with this, it wasn't good to depend on this method all of the time.
GRRRRRRRR!



The final day of the visit arrived.  I like these person I really do and I had fun while they were here, but when they left, I was relieved..........and in a bad mood.

Rooster took them to the airport. I stayed home. I decided to start working on a sewing project for my son. Truthfully, I was hiding. The sound of the sewing machine drowned everyone and everything out. It was mindless work so I really didn't have to focus on what I was doing. I was "working", so no one was going to ask me to do anything for them. Until Rooster came home. The minute he saw me at the machine, he brought me two of his shorts to sew for him. I released an irritated sigh. He picked up his shorts and started to walk away with irritation. I called him back and we had a little argument. He took exception to me irritated sigh, that I acted as if this was a great burden to do this for him. Sewing one pair of those shorts was no problem. The second pair........grrrrrrrr. He bought this pair at what he considers a really good deal. I believe he paid 2-3 dollars for those shorts. When I repaired them this time I replaced the last of the original seams in those stupid cheap shorts. If I charged him for every time I had to repair them, they wouldn't look like such a good deal to him. When I shared this thought with him I just got a look.

A little while later he was getting ready to walk out of the door to the gym. I don't remember what was said by Rooster but apparently my expression was not very positive. I had lost my poker face the minute my guests left the house. All I wanted to do was sit in front of the TV watching reruns, eating a pint of ice cream without being interrupted or needed by anyone.

Just leave me alone will ya!

I thought my expression was very bland, but the above words were apparently written all over my face.

His expression closed and he shut me out.

"What?"

"I doesn't matter."

'No, what?'

"Nothing will change anyway."

He started to walk out the door. I blocked him.

"NO! You can't do that. If you are that irritated lets go to the closet, but you can't shut me out and stop talking to me. What did I do?"

Truthfully, I didn't realize my face had expressed anything and I didn't know how I had upset him.

"I hate it when you respond to me like that."

"Like what?"

"The expression on your face."

"I didn't say anything on my face."

"I am telling you that you did."

"You know what, give me a break. I am in a bad mood, I don't want to do anything...if something came out on my face it has nothing to do with you. I am just in a really crappy mood after this last week."

His face softened, he gave me a kiss and went to the gym.

Later that evening in our room, again I don't know what I said or did, but he was finished with my attitude. He was talking and apparently I respond somehow in some way that was negative and he responded with....

"Do you want me to take care of this?"

I knew what he was talking about and I also knew he really was asking me. This wasn't a way of warning me, he really was asking me.

I started laughing.

"Why are you asking me? This is your decision. If you think it is necessary do what you think needs to be done, but don't ask me."

Truthfully, I didn't really believe he would do anything, but I still had hope he would follow through. Why would I believe this? Well, there has been no consequences of any kind in our home since October. Nothing! Seriously! I have been playing the waiting game. Waiting for him to catch up. Again I don't know what may have been coming across my face but I think he interpreted my laughter as mocking him. It wasn't, really. It was more of that weird awkward phenomenon of uncontrollable inappropriate laughter in the face of not really knowing what is about to happen.

But that did it for him.

He gentle spun me around and tilted me over the end of the bed. I lie there laughing but otherwise not moving. I was interested to see where this was going.

He went to his bedside table and rumbled around in a drawer making a lot more noise than I thought was necessary. I think he was trying to impress upon me he was serious. I kept laughing. I know...my bad, but I just couldn't stop.

I felt him return to my side and he quickly and efficiently removed my lower garments one at a time. That was new.....he was usually very slow and gentle doing that. I didn't know which implement he had grabbed, but he began to applied it with definite purpose. There was no question about what kind of spanking this was intended to be. Lillie recently said something about the intention behind the application of an implement changes the effect or feel of the implement. I discovered the truth of that statement. I was no longer laughing by the third smack. I was trying to endure. He wasn't doing any wild swings or applying the thing in anger, but the intensity of the sting was completely different. I think in that moment he was no longer afraid of hurting me or that I would turn it on him if he accidentally did.  Whatever it was that came over him at that moment, it instantly changed everything. It didn't last as long as it had in the past (October). I didn't count...um...I couldn't, but I think that around twenty he applied it to a not so sweet spot that had already received his attentions once or twice (twice) and I reared up off the bed, only to feel his hand gently on my back, not pushing me, but indicating I should lie back down.

I did and then .......I started laughing again, silent heaving laughter. I have been waiting for this for months. All of the tears and frustration spent because he wasn't getting it.......all of that anger..........and the moment had finally arrived. He got it! He was doing it! And I was unable to celebrate or appreciate that fact in the moment because all I could think of was "Dear God will this ever stop?! I can't do this!!!! I am going to panic!!! I think I am going to loss it!!!!!!!"

The irony of the moment got me.

It didn't last long. The third heave turned into a sob and the tears began to flow. I tried to hide it from him because I knew he would stop as soon as he realized. He laid down one more stroke and then realized what was happening and stopped. He pushed me up the bed and crawled up beside me and held me tight as I cried.

This sudden shift hasn't meant that everything is now working perfectly. The following week there were some balls dropped. We seemed to take a tiny movement back.


However, an important major shift in our dynamic has finally happened......and from the day I introduced this lifestyle to him until this shift happened............


.........it only took 10 months!

Disclaimer: 

For all of you out there reading this and frustrated because you have not been able to cry, well you could say I am sort of a cryer. I cry during movies, commercials, sappy stories and if I am really, really angry. I was already primed to cry for days before the incident. 

I got in trouble last night for not exercising and the result was a little more painful and a little longer then that first time and not a tear was shed, I didn't even get close.

I am sorry but I have now turned on the approval before publishing a comment option. I was getting hit by too much spam.  

The next month is still going to be busy, but I hope to be around a little more now. I hope!

Please feel free to leave a comment, be kind.